Waxy writings..

Ear wax, as many of you will no doubt be familiar with, is yellow. It also doesn't taste very nice.

I'm sure there is a perfectly logical scientific explanation for its existence, something to do with immune system or something. I sit here today, shivering, beating off a mild bacterial infection in one of my ears. And my eye. And my throat. And possibly my chest. Anyway, I am sitting here, and my ear is really itchy, and upon inserting a finger to do some scratching, a slight coating of this wonderful substance comes out too *runs to wash hands*. Oh come on, as if you have never done that.

It makes me wonder...not just because I love biology...but also because I love English. Ear wax could be such a wonderful image to play with in writing or speech. So me, being the science, English, and procrastination student that I am, decided to learn more about it.

Yes, so ear wax acts as a cleaning agent for the ear, as well as protection from some bacteria, insects and fungi. A build up of ear wax can reduce hearing ability. The wax cleans the ear, picking up foreign particles that may have entered. Dust, dirt, bacteria etc. It then makes its way out of the ear through the movement of ones jaw. Neat.

Which brings me around to the English side of things. Ear wax could be used as wonderful figure of speech to represent someone not listening, not hearing, not caring.

I told her everything - the way my parents were always yelling, the way I wished I was noticed by my teachers, the way that I felt about her - and now she comes back with this. My thoughts, my feelings meant nothing to her. They were scum, something she had to rid herself of. I was a constant annoying hum, my thoughts left dirt in her ears, trapped by moist orange wax, forming a plug that deafened her to my trust.

Okay, so admittedly it needs a little work and a lot less whining. But you get the idea.

Which I guess brings me to a piece of advice that you may or may not wish to think about when writing. Some of the best metaphor and simile can come from the strangest places. Think about everything as something that can be used to mean something else.

Thoughts wandered through her mind, leisurely, ponderous, like the yellow blobs drifting about the retro lamp next to her."

________

She spoke quickly, a blabbering stream of noise. A scrawl on paper - understood only by its writer.

________

It was as if he was wearing a screen protector, nothing I said could scratch him. And I'll be damned if he wasn't easy on the eyes.

Just little objects taken from my desk - the lava lamp, the screen protector that used to be on my phone, the untidy note that I left myself. They can paint a vivid image, and add depth to many pieces of writing - without being overly wordy.

Try it - you might be pleasantly surprised.

Christopher.

"Language is memory and metaphor"

Storm Jameson (English writer)

Learning be fun!

Today I learnt something.

Actually, just by typing that sentence I learned something. See, I got a red squiggly line underneath learnt, and I'm like "Double yew tee eff??". So, I Googled it, and low and behold, Firefox, being the wonder-browser that it is (okay, so it was the Google tool bar that suggested it), suggested that I search for learnt or learned. It turns out that both are correct. But one is wrong.

Learned = American English = fail.

Learnt = English English = Australia English = win.

There you go.

Now then. As I was saying. Today I learnt something, and that is that my the crumpet setting button on my toaster is, in fact, only suitable for crumpets.

My toaster is a high-tech new-age wizz-bang-pop kinda toaster, only without any of the wizzes, bangs and pops. Now you might be thinking: 'But Chris! All toasters pop!'.

WRONG.

My toaster beeps, then proceeds to raise the bread out of the toaster and have it ready for you. Its kinda like having an electric garage. It even makes the same sound as an electric garage. And add a truck reversing into the electric garage, and you get both the sound of the beeps, and the sound of the toast rising. The toaster beeping is possibly one of the most disconcerting noises first thing in the morning while you are still half asleep. You hear the toaster beep kindly at you to tell you its done and all you can think of is "DEAR GOD A TRUCK IS REVERSING INTO MY KITCHEN!" and you promptly run out of the room screaming.

So as one would expect from a high-tech new-age toaster it has a crumpet setting. Now all of you that eat crumpets know that your toaster never does them perfectly and always burns the bottom part and leaves the top part un-cooked.

Actually, you know what, I have never had a toaster that has done that. The wonderful people at Breville, however, clearly have. So they have designed this feature that cooks one side more than the other, thus you have the perfect crumpet.

Now, I enjoy a slice of bread with ham and cheese on top shoved under the griller. I toast one side generally (under the griller), flip it, then don't bother toasting the other side, but use it as the side I put the ham and cheese on. This, however, is tedious, so of late I have been toasting the bread with the toaster and just melting the cheese with the griller. This is easier, but just doesn't have the right texture, but then I had a thought!

"I could use this useless crumpet feature to toast one side, but leave the other a little less toasted!"

So I did.

Turns out that it turns one side of the toaster UP in heat, and the other side down.

One smoke alarm later I retrieved the toast from the toaster, cursing the wonderful people at Breville, but also wondering at their ingenuity. Never in my life did I consider that I would own a toaster that could completely crisp one side of my bread, but leave the other relatively untouched.


Christopher.

"FOR THE LOVE OF GOD AND ALL THAT IS HOLY....MY ANUS IS BLEEDING!"

-The Cloud from Rejected Cartoons

Highly specific vibrations.

Last night I was listening to music. Which isn't an entirely blog-worthy statement, as I generally listen to music every night. But last night got me thinking about stories and memories attached to certain songs.

Music is a wonderful thing. Scientifically its almost ugly, a series of air vibrations that vary due to rate of vibration. A collection of these highly specific vibrations form the chromatic scale that we all recognise. Romantically, however, music is beautiful. Flowing melodies, talented singing, orchestral wonders and, for those amongst you who enjoy everyday language, bitchin' guitar solos, slamming drum fills, and wicked violin runs.

Music has this ability to bring memories forth from the depths of ones mind and let them be mulled over every time one hears the piece.

The following list is a few of my favourite songs, each with its only little story. Just a little bit of an insight as to what is, perhaps, going through my head when I hear some songs.

• Breathe (2am) - Anna Nalick

This song was sent to me over MSN by a good friend of mine. She is pretty in touch with the kind of music that I like.

By nature I don't like being told what to listen to, so it took me a while to really listen to it. The first time that I listened to the lyrics was on a holiday down in Geelong last year. I was walking along the new boardwalk part of the foreshore walk, trying to find fish in the water below me. I really took to the song after that - and it always reminds me of the girl who sent it to me, and that Geelong holiday.

• Nemo - Nightwish

Nemo was the very first song by Nightwish that I heard. I was at Morgan's place with him, Greg, and Adam in what would become the very first LANdom. I was sitting in front of his big TV, playing Perfect Dark Zero when Adam started playing some Nightwish. Before this point in my life my musical taste consisted of teeny-bopper-pop, and only teeny-bopper-pop. When Nemo started Adam somehow managed to, over a period of a couple of months, shift my favourite artist from Hilary Duff to Nightwish, and my music taste from bubblegum-pop to symphonic metal. Fair effort.

Nemo is the most played song in my media player library. I have lots of memories attached to it - from the story detailed above, to driving to school singing it, to sitting in the Enmore theater with goosebumps as Tuomas played the first few notes...

• Accidentally In Love - Counting Crows

This is a Germany song. It's the Terri and Chris song. Every memory and story attached to Accidentally in Love includes Terri in some manner. Whether it be wondering what she is up to as I blast it in the car, or "dancing" with her at her recent 18th, or remembering the fun we had in Germany, or at music camp, or when we first became friends by letting her put make-up on me during Entertainment Night rehearsal in year eight.

I also remember the time on a train in Germany when I lip synced to it using my MP3 player as a microphone. How could I not remember. There is a video of it floating around somewhere.

• Anywhere But Here - Hilary Duff

This one is simple. Daniel made me two CDs full of all the Hilary Duff songs her downloaded. This was the first song that I listened to on them. I was lying in bed, with my CD player on quietly next to me. Everytime I hear this song it reminds me of that moment, and Daniel.

• Bye Bye Beautiful - Nightwish

BBB is the second song on Nightwish's new album. I didn't use to like it much - it felt a little too heavy for me. But I remember one of the many three way conversations that Adam, Morgan and I have, when Morgan informed the gathering that BBB was, in fact, awesome. So I listened again, more closely, and low and behold...

I.
Love.
This.
Song.

When I'm not being absorbed in the win that is the musical mastery of Nightwish I remember that conversation. I also vividly remember the first of February 2008 - the Nightwish concert. BBB was the opening song. You know how at a concert the music is so unimaginably loud that it consumes all of your senses? That feeling, combined with one of my favourite songs is pretty much like what I would imagine sex with Keira Knightly would be like.

• Dragostea Din Tei (Numa Numa) - O-zone

Many of you may remember this from the cult internet movie a couple of years back. Numa Numa Dance was among the first cult internet clips that I saw, and helped in sparking my fascination at the world of cyberspace. It also contributed to my "random" streak in year nine. It was first shown to me by Scerba, and promptly became one of the references commonly made by the group. The song, Dragostea Din Tei, was downloaded and spread, many unable to resist the Romanian beats. Many members of the ex-group can sing, and dance to this song, despite it being in an entirely foreign language. When I hear this song, I am reminded of so many different things. Singing it at lunchtime, playing it on Daniel's phone at high school, annoying an entire German class with it at every opportunity, and studying the lyrics in a year nine English class.

Numa Numa is the song that I have probably had the most laughs over. And the song with the most memories attached to it.

So thats my top six songs with vivid memories attached to them. The titles all link to their respective YouTube videos, so if any grab you, go and check them out.

What about you guys, what song has the most memories attached to it for you? Write the song in a comment and, if you like, let me know of some of the memories. =)

Christopher.

"Trying to catch your eye - things will never look the same"

Anywhere But Here - Hilary Duff